With friends like these
by wyvern.warren
Summary: Iruka should have known better than to expect his friends to sympathize with him over the crazy answers that his students put on their latest quiz. Instead, his "friends" are playing a drinking game based on his student's answers.


Iruka, frequently snickered at for his futile attempts to get his students to sit up straight, slumped over the bar as he flopped onto a stool, uncaring about his spinal health as he stared in abject misery at the stack of papers he had brought with him. His friends, noticing his none too subtle hint that someone should come over and sympathize with him, slid over, and he had a brief instant of hope that they would commiserate with him before he remembered that all his friends are jerks. Ignoring the pouting chunin, they instead grabbed the stack of papers that Iruka had been attempting to grade before he gave up and decided that he needed a drink, or possibly three.

"Hey guys, here, everyone take a paper. Rules are every time I read a question that is answered incorrectly on your paper, you have to take a drink. I'll award a point to the best answer for each question, drinks are on me for the person who has the most points at the end of the quiz."

"Okay first question, who is the first hokage? What do you guys have?" "This kid put his own name." "This one says Goku." "I think this kid just put yo momma for every answer." "I can do you one better, this brat put potato as the answer to every question, even put it as his name at the top of the page."

Iruka broke in wailing, "I can't fail a clan heir with an IQ of 160, but I can't pass a student who puts potato as the answer to every question."

Ignoring the teacher, his "friends" continued the game. "Point to whoever has the paper with Goku. Next question up is probably not that funny, but guys, what's 8 + 3?" "83, no duh." "Potato." "A gazillion." "Yo momma."

"Point to potato. Now, how do you perform a transformation jutsu?" "Go to the power plant and sit on the transformer box until you're fried and no one can tell who you are." "Very carefully." "Wrap yourself in toilet paper and pretend you're going to a Halloween party as a mummy." "Use your sister's makeup." "Potato." "Yo momma."

"Okay you smart-asses, we get that potato and yo momma are answers to every question, but we're all intelligent… Stop snickering, or I'll take away a point. We're all intelligent and can remember that those are going to be answers, so you don't have to call out potato and yo momma every time. Point for the power plant idea, next up is what's taijutsu?" "A jutsu where you tie someone up." "Potato." "Yo momma."

"Very funny. Point deduction from you with the potato paper, and you with the yo momma paper."

"Hey! That's not fair!"

"Tough luck. We're shinobi, we don't play fair, besides, I buy the drinks, I make the rules. Now stop grumbling and answer what is the number one rule for shinobi?"

"Hey, you didn't award a point for the last question!" "Oh right, point for tying people up. Number one rule for shinobi guys. This one ought to have some pretty good answers." "Always yell." "Potato." "Always lie." "A shinobi must always be cool."

"Point from potato. Point to being cool. Okay guys, two more questions, what item should you always bring with you on a mission?" "A towel." "An alarm clock." "A pokéball." "Instant ramen." "Potato." "A bubble wand." "Spare underwear." "A whoopee cushion."

It was really rather embarrassing that a well-respected chunin in the strongest and most prestigious hidden village would make such noises, so Iruka's friends politely ignored the whimpering in the spirit of trying to preserve the teacher's dignity.

"Point from potato, point to whoopee cushion. And last, but not least, what is chakra?" "Potato." "Why are you asking me, shouldn't you already know?" "Chalk-Ra is the ancient Egyptian god of chalk, and the kid even drew an illustration." "Let me see that, hey, quit shoving, I'm looking at it."

"Point to the god of chalk. So, who has the most points?"

"You forgot to take away a point for potato, and it's too late now." "Kotetsu, you already have negative two points, one less point wouldn't make a difference anyways." "It's the principle of the thing." "Moving on, obviously Kotetsu didn't win, but who did? Genma? Nice, hey barkeep, another round for my friend Genma here, oh, and another round for Iruka, since he brought tonight's entertainment."

"To Iruka's students, may they always provide us with hysterically incorrect answers." The clink of glasses drowned out Iruka's long-suffering sigh. He really needs to get some better friends.

* * *

A/N: The Dragon Ball and Pokémon references were pretty obvious, but did anyone catch the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference?


End file.
